


After Life

by Gamebird



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars - The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Eventual Reylo, Force-ghost Luke, Gen, Minor character appearances by Finn and Poe, Minor character appearances by Leia and Hux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-18 15:04:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 22,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13102722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gamebird/pseuds/Gamebird
Summary: With the help of Force-ghost Luke, Kylo Ren puts his life together after the events of The Last Jedi.





	1. Day One

**Title:** After Life  
**Characters:** Kylo Ren, Luke Skywalker, Rey, Leia Organa, Armitage Hux  
**Words:** 22,000  
**Rating:** G  
**Warnings:** None.  
**Setting:** The morning after The Last Jedi ends and for about a week after. Mostly set on the _Supremacy_ , Snoke’s ruined flagship.  
**Summary:** With the help of Force-ghost Luke, Kylo Ren puts his life together after the events of The Last Jedi.

 

Kylo Ren woke because he had to. His head was throbbing in a line that followed the lightsaber scar and his side echoed the pain with every beat of his heart. Kylo rested his palm over the wound that still hadn’t healed, the one he’d taken from Chewbacca’s bowcaster. It should have been gone, sealed over and forgotten. The medical droids insisted they’d done all that could be done for it, yet it still festered. The lightsaber scar was better, but it, too, hurt when it shouldn’t have. There was no one he could ask why. He was sure Snoke would have known what was wrong. But discussing a weakness with Snoke? No. Not even when the Sith was alive. But that was just yesterday.

 

Kylo sat on the edge of his bed, cradling his aching head with one hand, still holding his side with the other. Yesterday. It was too much to sort out. He’d lost Luke and Snoke both in the same span. Then Rey and with her, his future. He wanted to see his mother so badly that it ripped a single, stifled sob from him. There was no one else for him and even she, he knew somehow, had given up on him. She’d closed the door on him just as much as Rey had. He was more truly alone than he’d ever been.

 

He swallowed roughly and finally lifted his head, but what he saw was like a bolt of Force lightning had shot through him. A hazy blue projection of his old master was standing in front of his door, looking at him with a tilted head and those penetrating, critical eyes of his. In an instant, Kylo’s saber had flown to his hand, flicked on the moment it impacted his palm, and in nearly the same motion, slashed through the image and the door, leaving a glowing, sputtering arc in its wake.

 

It wasn’t that Kylo didn’t know it was an image, but that his reaction to seeing Luke again was that visceral. He caught himself, poised in the middle of recovering his fighting stance, as he remembered how Rey had responded the first time she’d seen him through the Force bond. She’d shot him. Instantly. It had hurt, too, a pulse that seemed to center on the bowcaster wound and spread through him like a real impact. It hadn’t helped Rey to lash out at him like that, no matter how understandable. Assaulting his door wasn’t going to help him, either. He almost missed how the image of Luke spread his hands and looked down at his undamaged form, brows lifted in mild surprise as though this, too, was new for his old master.

 

Kylo wrenched himself back upright and away from the mirage. He looked around his chambers, trying to ascertain the source of the projection. It had to be coming from somewhere.

 

“I told you I’d be seeing you,” Luke said calmly. The projection walked over to the bed, looking down at it with a contemplative frown. “I suppose showing up unexpectedly in your bedchambers wasn’t the best idea, though.”

 

“I will destroy whoever’s idea of a prank this is,” Kylo shouted, even as he began to realize this was no more a technological feat than his Force bond conversations with Rey had been. He directed his eyes back to Luke. “You’re dead. You died. I felt it. What is this?”

 

Luke shrugged. “I used to think I had failed you when you needed me most.” Luke looked up from the bed, turning back to face Kylo as though waiting for an answer or comment. The ghostly apparition shimmered. Kylo waved his lightsaber blade back and forth through Luke’s body just to see what happened, which was nothing. Kylo clicked off the blade with a scowl. Luke gave a single nod and continued, “I’ve been wrong about a lot of things. You need me the most now.”

 

“I don’t need you,” Kylo snarled. He began to hastily change from his sleeping garments into his day clothes. In a vicious tone, he added, “What, did you sense Snoke was dead and think I needed a new master? I don’t need a master.” He whirled to face Luke. “I am the master now!”

 

Luke surveyed him coolly. “I see. A lot of mastery there – half-dressed, spitting with rage.”

 

“I don’t have to listen to you. I have more important things to do.” He finished dressing with jerky motions, struggling to override the crippling pain that flared in his side.

 

Luke’s eyes lingered on the black bandage that wrapped Kylo’s midsection. “What, that whole ‘ruling the galaxy’ thing?”

 

“Yes,” he snapped. “As a matter of fact, yes. I am the supreme leader of the First Order!” He moved on Luke with an aggressive lunge, the likes of which had caused lesser men to fall over themselves flinching back from him. Luke raised his brows and calmly crossed his hands in front of himself. It was a reaction, at least. “Do you know what that means?” Kylo demanded, his face inches from Luke’s. The line of his lightsaber scar felt like it was on fire, burning hotter the closer he got. With a grimace, he walled off the sensation.

 

“Tell me.”

 

Kylo’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he answered anyway. “It means I am the most powerful being in the galaxy. I am the leader of the entire re-organized empire. There is no military that can even come close to matching the one at my command. What is left of the New Republic will kneel before me! I have accomplished what even grandfather was unable to do! I have no emperor standing over me, no foot on my throat! No one rules me!”

 

He thrust his hand into Luke’s chest, grasping and twisting in another sudden effort to destroy the man. Despite the empty air, there was something there, something he could feel with his flesh. It was ephemeral and slippery. He couldn’t get a grip on it. His hand spasmed. Luke winced and moved to the side. Kylo looked at his hand, flexing it as the cramping passed, then at Luke, who seemed unharmed. Kylo tilted his head and furrowed his brow.

 

“Yeah. Good for you, then, I guess,” Luke said. “Sounds tedious if you ask me.”

 

“I did not ask. Anyway, what would you know about leadership?” Kylo moved over to pick up his gloves. He put them on with a last look at the hand he’d tried to pull Luke’s heart out with. “You couldn’t even run a preschool for a dozen children without getting the place burned down!”

 

“You were a little older than a preschooler, Ben.”

 

The exaggeration was a step too far. He’d been twenty-three, not five. Kylo slid his lightsaber into its holder. “Is that why you waited until I was an adult to try to kill me? Didn’t want to continue the family tradition of killing younglings, is that it? You should have struck me down when you had the chance!”

 

Luke’s face fell. He looked at the floor with an expression of sadness. “I never should have done it at all.”

 

Rage welled up inside of him – at Luke, at Snoke, at Rey, at himself – but mostly at Luke for being the decisive trigger that had set the past in motion. Now, _now_ , Luke wanted to feel bad about his mistakes? “It’s too late for that!” Kylo spat, and left his quarters. The saber-scarred doors opened easily enough, but there was no sound of them closing behind him. He refused to look back.

 


	2. Sound and Fury

The doors to Kylo Ren's private quarters had apparently remained open throughout the day. Exposed. There was nothing to incriminate him, but he felt unmasked nonetheless. The doors were not designed to be shut manually. He could have used the Force, but he was mentally exhausted from the day, the night before, the day before that, and the entire previous week. It was depressing to know he'd done this damage with his own laser sword, swinging at what was probably a hallucination born from fatigue and nightmare. He pulled awkwardly on the doors. He could slide them partly shut, but every tug gave him a stab of pain in his side. The gap was still several inches wide when he gave up.

"Most things can be fixed if you work hard enough at them." Luke's voice sounded behind him.

This time, Kylo didn't react violently despite the flood of adrenaline and rage that washed through him. His fury was cold this time. So – it hadn't been a hallucination. This time he was still. His tone was disinterested. "If I ignore you, will you go away?"

"No. But if you want me to leave, I will."

Kylo turned, an expression of surprise chased off his face by suspicion. "How long would you stay gone?"

"Until the Force called me back. Or forever."

"Do you get to choose?"

"Nope."

Kylo's eyes narrowed for a beat, then he turned and looked at the door again while he gathered his thoughts. For now, he went on with being conversational. "There are so many critical repairs going on that it would be unwise to prioritize a trivial thing like this. It will be put right, eventually." He looked back at Luke, who nodded.

"That makes sense. How did your day go?"

"You ask that?" Kylo scoffed at the possibility that his old master had shown up to make small talk.

Luke shrugged.

"Why do you ask that?" Kylo rephrased. Anyone who could project into his quarters had already breached security. What information were they looking for? He took a few steps closer, going to the small desk next to his bed. He started taking off his gloves, refusing to let this hallucination or whatever it was disrupt him further.

"I'm trying to be polite. Diplomatic. My sister once told me it was something I needed to work on. I think I told her I'd rather die first. So it's probably time for me to get started on it."

Kylo blinked at him twice, then allowed a very small smile. The humor was pleasing, even if he remained on high alert. He set his gloves on the corner of the desk, then pulled out the stool underneath it. He sat down. He gave Luke a thorough visual examination, looking for clues as to what he was dealing with. His old mentor was standing near the far end of the bed. The quarters weren't large so if he wanted to be seen, he couldn't be much further away. He was an older version of Luke than Kylo had ever seen. The man on Crait had been the same age as Kylo's last sighting of Luke – dark, neatly trimmed beard, styled hair, smoother skin, lighter weight. The version he saw now looked like every year of exile had etched themselves into him. "What are you?"

"A Force ghost."

He didn't think it was possible for him to become even more keyed up, but it happened. It felt as though someone had trod on his grave. "And what is that?" Kylo asked breathlessly.

"I … don't really know."

"I have seen this before," Kylo admitted. Only now had he put together the pieces, with the word 'ghost'.

"This morning?" Luke offered.

"No!" Kylo snorted at the imbecilic joke. "Years ago, when I was considering leaving you, when I'd just found out about my family. Grandfather appeared to me as this. I thought it was a waking dream, or a vision of the future. He showed me the power of the dark side. He showed me the source of his strength and how it flowed through me as well."

"Anakin Skywalker set you down the path of the dark side?" Luke sounded startled. "I thought it was Snoke."

Kylo laughed scornfully. "You persist in seeing me as a victimized child at the mercy of others. That is an error. I sought out Snoke. Not the other way around. You joined the Rebellion younger than I pledged myself to the Sith. Did Obi-Wan Kenobi poison your mind with Jedi nonsense the way you imagine Snoke tainted me? Were you too inexperienced to make your own decisions, as you said I was so often when I asked about the dark side during your flimsy excuse for training?"

Luke sank down on the end of Kylo's bed. He put his head in his hands in an authentic-looking gesture of despair. "It was Anakin's ghost who told me the darkness was rising out of control in you."

"Because you would not teach me control!" Kylo snapped, voice rising. "I asked! I begged! You threatened me. You insulted me! You belittled me for not trying hard enough to deny the darkness! And finally, I woke to find you'd had enough of it." His voice lowered to a growl as he remembered waking in the hut, green light filling it, knowing he had to fight for his life because things had finally gone too far between them, "You'd had enough of me."

Luke shook his head slowly. "I am so sorry." He looked devastated. It was supremely vindicating for Kylo to see him like this.

"Be sorry for yourself! You were a sorry excuse for a Jedi master! You've always been superior to me! Always smug! Acting like you knew more, and better, than everyone else. You didn't!"

To Kylo's continuing surprise, Luke accepted the dressing-down as well as any First Order officer might. "Yeah."

Kylo drew in a deep breath, then let it out. He made a quick mental review of the conversation, making sure he hadn't revealed any vital intelligence. That he had a grudge against Luke Skywalker was old news. The bits about Anakin and Snoke were useless. He decided he'd said nothing out of line. "Give me useful information," he ordered.

Luke looked at him blankly. "What?"

"Make it worth my while to talk to you."

"Have you been hanging out with Snoke so long that you've forgotten how to be a human being?"

Kylo's nose wrinkled at the insult, but he was secretly pleased Luke wasn't going to crawl just because he demanded it. "I don't recall you holding classes on social niceties or manners, either."

"You certainly haven't learned any since."

Kylo snorted. "With enough power, it's unnecessary."

"Oh really?" Luke looked Kylo Ren over and said, "How was your day then with all that … power that you have now?"

The thought of how his day had gone put an abrupt end to his desire to bite at his old master. It had been enjoyable, in a way, to finally get to say some of the hurtful, angry things that had been residing in his chest for years – to at least have them out in the open, spoken of, if even to a specter. It was a statement about his day that this had been the highlight.

Kylo rose to his feet, though his side pained him to do it. "Leave me." Luke's eyes widened slightly. Kylo hesitated for a moment, then qualified the order. "For the night. I need to sleep. Safely. Without you standing over me in the dark."

Luke nodded and stood. "Tomorrow then?"

Kylo regarded him archly. "Tomorrow."


	3. Peace and Quiet

Kylo took lunch in his quarters the next day. Luke had not been there in the morning. He tried to tell himself he wasn't disappointed about this, but he'd found his thoughts wandering all morning. The whole thing was an enigma. Nowhere in their conversation had Luke acted as anything other than a peer – a fellow practitioner in the Force. It was strange. He sensed when Luke appeared. Though relieved, Kylo looked up over his soup and said nothing. Luke turned and looked at the door, which was open nearly a foot.

"Door still broken?"

"Yes." It was a continual, needed reminder of why he shouldn't hit things recklessly with his lightsaber when stressed. The degree of stress he'd been under lately was no excuse.

Luke phased through the door, then returned. "It's quiet out there. Are repairs still going on?"

"Yes. Elsewhere."

Luke spun in place, looking around as though he could see through the walls. "How badly was this place damaged? Where are we, anyway?"

"You don't know?" Kylo's face registered his mild surprise. "We are onboard the  _Supremacy,_  which was previously Supreme Leader Snoke's flagship. It was split in two by the Resistance ramming a capital ship into it while jumping to hyperlight."

Luke blinked several times, then raised his hands a few times as though about to ask for clarification. "I thought that … Is that … you mean the flagship didn't explode?"

"It did." Kylo gave a rueful smile. "It's a very large ship."

Luke looked back and forth, then to Kylo. "You mean to tell me a capital ship rammed directly into a Star Destroyer while going to hyperlight and all it did was blow a hole in it?"

"You have been hiding on an island for too long. First Order ships feature a number of technological advances since your day. Although," Kylo nodded, "to be fair, the  _Supremacy_  is in two pieces."

"Two pieces?"

"There are many repairs much more important than my door which need to be completed."

"I'll bet." Luke looked towards the hallway. "Is it quiet out there because everyone's dead?"

"Many are." Kylo's voice was melancholy for that. No matter how much First Order propaganda he might have swallowed (not much, really), it remained a waste of life and loss of resources. "But the quarters near me would be empty under most circumstances. They are unoccupied unless we have high-ranking guests aboard."

"Sounds lonely. Was that your idea?"

Kylo took another spoonful of soup, letting Luke wait for the answer. "No." It had been Snoke's, a deliberate tactic of isolation that he saw in hindsight. "Tell me about your exile on the island. Was it also lonely?"

Luke wobbled his head ambivalently. "Yeah. You could say that." He moved over to the end of the bed.

"Tell me more."

"Still mining for information?"

Mostly, he just wanted to talk. It was nice, interesting, that they weren't arguing heatedly like the night before. He still wasn't certain of what he was talking to or what Luke's motives were. "Maybe I want to know what people with the Force do when they're not ruling the galaxy."

Luke nodded thoughtfully. "I take it your day job isn't going very well."

Kylo remained unwilling to discuss that. "Tell me where you were and what you did there."

"Well, I was on an island on a sacred planet. The first Jedi Temple was there. There were some intelligent aquatic people, but they weren't very technologically advanced, and they weren't very happy to have me there." Luke looked over at Kylo, who continued slowly eating his soup, listening carefully. It was fascinating that Luke, even dead, was as vague and careful with his information as Kylo was being. "I spent my time learning crafts and surviving. Making clothes, shelter, preserving food, and the like can take up a lot of time."

Kylo stared at him levelly for a few minutes, then set down his spoon. "Why? Why exile?"

Luke opened his mouth like he was about to make a sarcastic quip, then thought better of it. He looked down, then back up. "I felt unworthy of the Force and the expectations people had of me."

"You? Unworthy?" Kylo picked up a biscuit and took a bite from it. This was a very different Luke Skywalker than he'd known before – one who was willing to admit to error, one who was flawed and wrestled with those flaws. He was becoming less irritating by the minute.

"In my pride, I tried to change the things I'd seen through the Force instead of accepting them. I felt like I had missed what was important: life, death, existing … co-existing."

"This is a very strange conversation. It's unlike any I've ever had with you. Do you talk to Rey like this?" He wondered if she had brought out this side of Luke. She was so special.

"I haven't been talking to Rey recently."

"Why not?"

"She has everything she needs from me."

"And I don't?" Rey could not have trained with Luke for more than a few weeks. Kylo had had years. He knew the core of Jedi (or Sith) training could be related quickly, but it was ridiculous to imagine she was fully trained now.

"You have all this peace and quiet! Wherever she is, it's probably crowded and noisy." He gave Kylo a teasing look. "I might not fit in with too many people."

Kylo finished his biscuit and decided to allow Luke his secrets, even if they were about Rey. Or maybe, especially if they were about Rey. Rey's relationship with Luke was for Rey to tell him about, not for him to blackmail out of Luke like an insecure boyfriend. Assuming Rey ever spoke with him again. It was not a pleasant thought. "Can you be seen by others?"

"Only if they're Force-sensitive."

"Hm." It was similar to the Force bond, he supposed. He still wondered about Luke's motives. "Why are you here? What do you think is so vital to provide to me that the Force brought you back from the dead to do it?"

"Healing."

Kylo stood and collected his eating tray, being careful to show no trace of pain or discomfort. It sounded like Luke might think he was, or would, ask him for help. That sounded like a trap. It was at least something he wanted to consider carefully before admitting weakness to a man he'd tried to kill just two days ago. "My meal is complete," he said softly. "I have work to do." Luke watched him and said nothing. Kylo hesitated in front of the door, hand raised preparatory to using the Force to open it. "Where do you go when you are not speaking to me?"

"Nowhere. It doesn't matter." At Kylo's subdued scowl, Luke raised his hands and came closer, patting the air with them asking to be heard out. "That's not a good explanation. I guess a better one would be that I go back to being part of the everything, but it doesn't really feel like much of anything from my point of view." Kylo expression cleared. Luke added, "It's peaceful."

"Enjoy your peace." Kylo meant it, without any sarcasm. With that, he gestured open the doors and left.


	4. Project Management

"Staffing levels are sufficient, Supreme Leader, but the acquisition of primary hull struts remains an issue. As you requested, further inquiry was directed to the foundries of Bint Matho. Their claims of lack of production capacity have no merit, but they continue to refuse to confirm the delivery dates needed for full restoration on the  _Supremacy_." The chief project manager paused, following Kylo Ren's line of sight towards the recently manifested ghost of Luke Skywalker. If he saw anything, he didn't indicate it. "What would you have me do, Supreme Leader?"

Kylo pulled his attention back to the man. "From what you said yesterday, our choices are to attempt further expediting with Bint Matho through military action, to delay repairs while we accelerate refitting of the foundries at Kaso Tul to fabricate the same material, to use the sub-optimal material Kaso Tul is currently able to produce, or to abandon the  _Supremacy_  as a derelict for the time being. Is that accurate?"

The project manager had a breath of hesitation. "Yes, Supreme Leader."

"Why did you pause?"

"None of these solutions allow us to meet the objectives of fleet readiness that you have communicated to us."

Kylo rolled his eyes slightly and made a tilt of his head. "I am pleased you see the problem. I will not be penalizing you for it. The inability to advance the goals of the First Order is punishment enough and I know you understand what that means. Have your engineers been able to verify that the readily available sub-optimal material will at least make the  _Supremacy_  capable of hyperspace travel?"

"Yes sir. Supreme Leader."

"And how much does that delay the project?"

"By two days, Supreme Leader." The set of his face betrayed his distaste for the repercussions.

"Then do that. We will refit later. Have Kaso Tul begin augmenting their foundries as soon as they finish production on what we need to get the  _Supremacy_  space-worthy."

"As you command."

"You are dismissed." Kylo regarded Luke coolly as the project manager left the room. Kylo turned to one of his aides sitting nearby. "The Bint Matho foundries are producing material for Resistance ships. Assign an espionage unit to find out which ones and develop a projected time of completion. Share any intelligence gained with General Hux. No action required beyond that." He waited while the directions were noted, then said, "Leave me. I must meditate."

"Is it just me," Luke said once they were alone, "or are you getting better at dealing with disappointment?"

"Have you returned to provide me with more practice?" The jab at his leadership ability did not go unnoticed, which Kylo thought rich considering his low opinion of Luke's.

Luke smiled and settled into the aide's now-vacant seat. "What was the biggest disappointment you had with me as a teacher?"

Kylo's nostrils flared. "Your attempts to provoke me. As you are now."

Luke frowned. "I'm not trying to provoke you."

It was annoying that Luke sounded honestly confused that taking a disrespectful tone with the supreme leader of the galaxy was considered rude. Kylo sighed. "Why are you here at all? You distract me from my business. I have no time to attend to discussion with you." Kylo turned and pressed a few buttons, pulling up a display full of line items and equipment illustrations. He was also prickly and disappointed to find Luke's ghost manifesting in his primary work space rather than his private rooms. The entire area was littered with top secret information.

"Busy, huh? Your busi-ness?" Luke looked at the report, watching the schematics as Kylo scrolled through them. Kylo tried and failed to get a read on Luke's mind and attention. There was nothing there to probe – just empty air and a swirling sense of Force energy.

"My business," he said, pronouncing it correctly. He tuned out Luke, finished his review, and sent off a short note. "Armaments to replace those damaged or expended in the recent conflict."

"Getting the ship battle-worthy again." Luke nodded. "Why this ship? It was Snoke's. You said it was in pieces. Why not another?"

"Contrary to your teaching, size matters – or at least it does when intimidating planetary governments. I share no hidden intelligence to tell you this is the largest ship remaining to us. It would take longer to build a new dreadnaught than to repair this one. I've made no secret of Snoke's death. If I take a lesser vessel than his as my flagship, then I position myself as less than he was."

"Pride, then. You've always had a lot of that."

"As you have always gone out of your way to create conflict with me." Kylo pulled up the next item in his work stream. "It is not pride. It is appearance, order, and strategy. These things matter when you want to accomplish something more important than hiding on an island for years."

"Now who's picking a fight with whom?"

Kylo spared him a sullen glare before going back to the communique he was reading. Luke was right, though. Taking a disrespectful tone with his old master was also … rude.

"What is it you want to accomplish?" Luke asked.

It stopped Kylo. Slowly, his eyes drew back to Luke. Somehow, he sensed that Luke meant it broadly. He wasn't talking about the  _Supremacy_  or a particular memo about munitions.

"Have you even considered that?" Luke asked.

"I want peace." Kylo said it softly. "I want order."

"Then why are you rebuilding for war? Fighting is the most chaotic thing people do."

"The Resistance …" Kylo's voice stopped. He stared at the floor with a thoughtful frown. It was a good question and he took it seriously. He'd been so bogged down with the immediate needs that he hadn't thought much beyond them. But he was the supreme leader now. His influence over the First Order was immense. He knew that loyalty to him and acceptance of his title was sketchy and limited at the moment, but it didn't have to stay that way. The First Order was an enormous ship with a lot of momentum. It wouldn't turn on a dime for him, but he could definitely influence the destination.

Luke spoke. "That foundry knows what sort of ship you want those hull parts for. They're probably the ones who made them for this ship in the first place. They're going to be telling their other customers just like they're going to tell your espionage agents. The Resistance is building ships to resist you. They're provoking you and you're responding, just like you did when you were my student."

Kylo's eyes rose to Luke's. He was still contemplative. Something else he hadn't thought about – Luke was trying to teach him something with his endless poking, prodding, and upsetting. Finally, he said, "Snoke told me the light rises to meet the darkness. Action, reaction."

Luke shrugged. "There's a balance. It's a simple principle. Even a Sith gets it."

He ignored the insult. "If I," Kylo speculated, "left this ship as a derelict, the Resistance would still build their ships. The First Order wouldn't be as well-equipped to oppose them. Fewer systems would bow to us. The war would drag out even longer. I want a decisive victory." He blinked slowly and looked to Luke. "How would I get that?"

Luke's brows rose. "You're asking me?"

"Yes." Not that he expected an honest answer.

"You said the other day you were in control of everything. Stop fighting. End it. You're the only one who can."

It frustrated him that Luke, an outsider to organization who didn't even know he didn't know what he was talking about, would pretend it was so easy. "That would be very convenient for the Resistance," he said dryly.

Luke laughed. "No, it wouldn't. The Resistance ceases to exist as soon as you stop threatening entire planets. Why would anyone squander their resources on a bunch of illegitimate rebels if the legitimate government was meeting their needs?" Luke leaned forward. "I'm not here on behalf of the Resistance, the Empire, the Senate, the New Republic, the First Order, or whatever everyone decides to call the new state. Stop provoking them and they'll stop disappointing you."

"Is that a lesson you've learned?"

"It's a lesson you're teaching me."

Kylo blinked at him, turning his full attention to Luke. "I am teaching you?"

"You've been schooling me since I showed up." Luke rolled his eyes. "You have so much to offer the universe, Ben. I saw that potential before. I see it now. Snoke saw it. Rey sees it. Only an idiot wouldn't. What I see you doing right now is even more interesting. You're not handing off the hard work to someone else who you threaten and frighten into obedience. You're doing it yourself. You're wise enough to know it's a team effort, but you're still leading alone."

Kylo's eyes narrowed. The unasked-for flattery, the use of his old name, and the implication he needed to do things differently all struck him as manipulation, no matter how earnestly Luke had said it. "Who would you have me trust?"

Luke paused, raising his brows as he looked down for a long beat. "I don't know. The First Order didn't get to where it is today without having capable people in it. Maybe some of them? I don't know much about being a leader. That was always Leia's department."

"Do you think I should ask her?" Kylo asked with mock surprise. He was still trying to figure out how Luke benefitted here. Luke was trying to steer him just like Snoke, right?

Luke's brow furrowed. "That's not what I meant."

"Are you sure? Aren't you here to seduce me to the Light Side and get me to disarm the First Order so your precious Resistance can win the day?"

Luke sighed. "Ben-"

"Kylo." His voice was sharp as a knife.

Luke opened his mouth, shut it, moved his lips like he had bitten into something rotten, and said with difficulty, "Kylo. Right. Kylo, I'm not here to make you do anything. For the first time in your adult life and most of your childhood, no one is poisoning you, no one is telling you what to do. Not even me. Snoke is dead! And so am I. I'm going to say things to you. You're going to ignore some of them. Maybe most of them. Maybe all. You decide." Luke waited for a moment, then added, "The Force is about connections and balance. You … don't have any. I know loneliness, Kylo. I know cutting yourself off from everyone. It wasn't a good idea."

Kylo regarded him for nearly a minute, his face impassive. It occurred to him that if he took the conversation at face value, then it made sense. If he assumed manipulation, then it didn't. He had to really reach to fit even a few of the facts (like thinking Luke was a Force ghost of Snoke, and even then it didn't make sense). He exhaled heavily and said in a respectful tone worthy of someone who had given you good advice, "I'll think on it. If you'll excuse me, I have work to do."


	5. Detente

"Rey." He said it softly, quietly, as tentatively as he knew how over the bond. The link between them seemed to tremble with emotion, but he couldn't tell if it was an ambivalent attempt to sever the connection or simply the intensity of feeling he evoked in her. That chilling, heart-breaking slamming of the hated, too-familiar door of the  _Falcon_  was heavy in his thoughts. She'd rejected contact with him before. Now he was asking her to reconsider. Begging.

"Ben." Her voice was certain and uncompromising. There was no visual component offered, but he could feel the emotions swirling through her – quite a few that Snoke had identified as 'dark'. Ben had not agreed. Interestingly, neither had Luke, back in the days of Jedi training. They were just emotions. Knowing how much was apparent through the bond, he kept his inner life still and placid, just as he had for years with Snoke. Luke, also, was a good teacher for this, even if it was 'what not to do.'

"I would like to speak with you." Either one of them could end the communication at will, even if it took determination to do it against the wishes of the other. He did not wish her to have that determination. His voice was chastised and quiet. He had been an idiot, a fool, the last time she'd seen him, just days ago.

"For what purpose?" Light dawned slowly. He couldn't stop his eyes from rising, slowly, to see her. Her clothes had changed. She was in a pilot's outfit now, wearing a helmet. His gaze lingered on her posture. She was seated, her hands extended to controls. If he had to guess, she was flying an x-wing, but there were no jerky motions to indicate she was in battle.

"I want to talk to you about Luke. He's been … haunting me lately. Is this a good time?" There was an insignia on the helmet. He jerked his eyes away from it and a second later, from the badge over her left breast. He met her eyes. There was no other safe place to look. He didn't know if she was canny enough to realize what intelligence he could gain, but he had no intention of exploiting the bond for that. He would sooner cut off his own hand than have her think he would use her so.

"You did not kill Luke Skywalker on Crait." She stared right at him. As always, her ferocious intensity woke something in him. He didn't know if he wanted to melt or cheer.

"I know," he said in a normal tone. "I know you're trying to protect him and the Resistance." Kylo nodded. "I know that he died, though. You don't have to hide that. He was my old master, the first one. I felt it when he joined the Force."

"You … had never cut yourself off from him?"

Kylo blinked, not entirely sure what she was asking. For tactical reasons alone, he wouldn't have turned a blind eye to Luke Skywalker, but perhaps she didn't view the world as analytically as he did. "I have always had a sense of him. I would not sever that part of my past."

They were both silent for a moment as grief flowed between them. Kylo was surprised to sense it was not entirely from her. A part of him also mourned Luke's passing and the opportunities lost. Luke had been an important part of his life for years. He'd seen more of Luke than he'd seen of Han. Luke had taken his role as uncle and master very seriously. Too seriously, but still. Rey's expression softened as she looked down. She felt it, too. Her arms moved as though to flip switches, though he could not see the equipment she touched. "Engage autopilot," she said, apparently to whatever droid was working with her.

"He has been visiting me as a ghost," Kylo offered. This was why he'd contacted her. He'd thought a lot about what Luke had told him – that he shouldn't lead alone, he needed healing, provocations causing reactions, the First Order creating the Resistance. Above all, he needed to talk to someone he trusted and that was not Force ghost Luke Skywalker.

As he had expected, Rey's answer was a confused, "What?"

"I had heard of it before, from Luke, when he was my teacher. All Jedi join with the Force when they die, but some are able to continue interacting with the living. I'd even seen it before, once, but I didn't know what it was at the time."

"He hasn't visited me." She sounded indignant.

Kylo smiled softly, because he understood how she could feel slighted by it. "I'm glad to hear that. I have wondered how much of what he has had to say to me was truthful. One of those things was that he had not been in touch with you. Sometimes I have wondered if he is Luke Skywalker at all, but he seems to be."

"What else has he had to say?"

Kylo seated himself. It felt right to settle in for a long conversation. He was so relieved she was listening, and speaking, to him. "He has revealed nothing of the Resistance, yourself, your allies, or their plans. He has told me no secrets of the Force. He hasn't even revealed the name of the planet he exiled himself to, although I know that from other sources now. He has … shared with me, small talk, and his presence. It wasn't something I would have ever thought I needed, but even though he has only appeared to me a few times, I find myself … enjoying it. That's when I knew I needed to talk to you about this."

"Why?"

"Because I want you to know."

She swallowed. "You still want me in your life."

Kylo waited a beat, trying to make sense of her conflicted expression and mixed emotions. There was nothing for it but to be honest: "Yes." She looked down and pursed her lips. He went on, "When Snoke said he had created the bond between us, I thought what I had seen of our future together had also been a construction of his – a self-serving lie, like so much else that he said. But the more I have thought on that vision, more I believe it was true. I think," he spoke more carefully, recalling Luke's words to him, "that in my pride, I tried to create the future I saw through the Force rather than accepting it as it was meant to be."

"How was it meant to be? We can't both turn."

"I don't know. But I don't want to deal with it alone. Luke asked me to consider who I trusted. You are the only one."

"You told him that?"

"No." He shook his head slightly. "I have told him as little as possible and nothing about you. I do not trust him."

"Is the vision was true, then what are you going to do with the First Order? You're not even a Sith, whatever that means."

"I don't believe you're a Jedi, either, despite what Luke said on Crait. The Jedi, the Sith – they're both gone. It's just us now."

"And Luke's ghost, apparently." She huffed. "You didn't answer my question about the First Order."

"Because I don't know," he said, with exasperation leaking into his voice. It was the first negative emotion he'd shown to her. His shoulders tightened. "I haven't decided. If I continue to prepare for war, then there will be war. But I don't know how to … safely … do anything else."

"Can you just declare peace?"

Luke had suggested the same thing, but where his naiveté had angered Kylo (as a Jedi master/war hero twice Kylo's age, he should know better), Rey's left him sympathetic and wanting to explain (she was younger and he knew her background didn't prepare her for what she'd been thrust into). "If we put down our weapons, then we will be killed. We destroyed entire planets. Even if I were to broker a peace with … my mother … somehow … every planetary system in the New Republic that has any wealth will rise up to terrorize the others in the absence of a centralized force."

"What would you be attacked with? The Resistance is out of ships. There isn't an endless supply of these things. There would have been no junk trade on Jakku if making things new was easy."

He nodded quickly, looking down. "I know. I've been reviewing our strength. It isn't …" He looked up, meeting Rey's eyes. "It isn't what the galaxy thinks it is. Propaganda has long been a pillar of the First Order. I shouldn't tell you even that much. But you're right. There is no endless supply of shipyards, but with the recent conflict, all manner of systems are paying for weaponry. Within a year, perhaps less, the spaceways will be flooded with new ships, bigger weapons systems, better cloaking technology. If the First Order does not rebuild first and faster, then we will be destroyed. You know the Resistance will go after we do. There is no political reason to continue backing rebels when there is nothing left to rebel against."

Rey frowned. "What if you destroyed the shipyards then?"

"What?"

"Destroy the shipyards. You're buying from them. You know where they are. You'll have no competition."

"And your Resistance will have no ships."

"This isn't about me. And it's not 'my' Resistance. You asked me for a solution. It's just an idea. You don't have to take it!" She looked frustrated. "I'm sure there are better ideas."

"It's okay. Thank you. It's a good idea. I will have to think about it. That's a very unexpected solution. Luke … has told me the same thing. That I need to listen to other people's ideas."

"There are probably better ones." She looked off to the side at something he couldn't see.

"There may be." He waited to see if she would turn her attention to him again.

When she did, she said, "I need to go," and cut the connection as soon as he nodded.

It took him a long time to get to sleep. For the first time in days, the scar on his face didn't hurt.


	6. Self Harm

"You spoke of healing," Kylo said the next time he saw Luke. Despite what he'd told Rey, he was beginning to trust the ghost.

His old master nodded, standing next to him at the viewing portal as they observed the progress in the main hangar bay. Transports landed and departed. Troopers and technicians moved with purpose. A few walkers uneasily patrolled the whole area, guns trained on their own units as dangerous munitions were unloaded and ferried away by tugs, droids, and scooters. The Force flowed among them. Kylo made sure there were no accidents. Things always ran more smoothly when he directly observed them.

Kylo said, "I have an injury from weeks ago that continues to pain me. The medical droids say there is nothing they can do. Would that be the sort of healing you offer?"

Luke looked over at him, eyes pointedly going to Kylo's side, despite the more obvious facial scar. He knew exactly what Kylo was talking about. "Probably."

"I looked up the records on … our family, when it was revealed to me. I looked up everything I could find on grandfather, grandmother, what little there was on yourself and my mother. There was plenty on Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala. Less on Darth Vader, but it was enough for me to feel I understood him, especially after the vision."

Luke listened quietly.

"The records said my grandmother died of a loss of will to live, shortly after birth. Did you know that?"

"I was a little young to remember the details," Luke said dryly. Then he surprised Kylo by continuing, "I've always had a memory, even though it doesn't make sense that I'd have it, of seeing her face. Long, brown hair. Beautiful. Smiling down at me. Sad eyes."

Kylo's attention was riveted on Luke and the new and personal information about his family. "It … wasn't something you saw in a holo? It was a real memory?"

Luke nodded. "I think it was a real memory. Leia has it, too, or a similar memory. I think she saw us before she died – Padme. I think she held each of us in turn and she knew it would be the only chance she'd ever have to do it." His voice was sad.

"And then?"

Luke shrugged. "That's the memory. She died." Luke shook his head. "I never looked up the records like you did."

Kylo nodded and composed himself. "Grandfather's writings showed he believed he was conceived by the Force. He also believed Padme was killed by it. I asked Snoke certain things about the dark side. I do not believe the Force acted on its own, but that someone used it to cause life and death to occur."

"I've heard of that power." Luke sounded suspicious. "What are you thinking about? Can you do that?"

"No." Kylo looked at him levelly for a long moment. "Or rather, I have never tried." Quite innocently, he asked, "Did I kill you?"

"No." Luke sounded borderline offended at the suggestion. "Don't you think you'd know that if you did?"

"I was … angry." Kylo shrugged and made a small smirk at the odd turn of the conversation. "The reason I mentioned it was that the Force is the only logical explanation for why Chewbacca's bowcaster impact will not heal. Yet it begs the question of who is manipulating the Force to do it."

"It's either you or Leia. My bet's you."

"Me?" Kylo's brows drew together. "It makes more sense that it would be her. I killed her husband. She's given up on me. She's cut me out of her life. Do you think I cannot feel that? The absence?" His voice rose in anger. "I felt her on that Resistance ship." Kylo pointed in the direction of the hangar bay door, into space. "And I stayed my hand, but then it ended anyway. Others fired, as their duty dictated. I did not, but she severed the tie  _anyway_! She had to know I did not do it!"

"How would she know that?" Luke asked calmly.

"Just as you said!" Kylo said hotly, repeating Luke's words: "'Don't you think you'd know that if you did?'"

Luke shook his head, unmoved. "Did she ever do any Jedi training? Did she attend class? Did she ever teach you anything or talk to you about the Force?"

"You claim to have made Rey into a Jedi with a few weeks of training."

"Hey," Luke sounded offended, "That's all I got!"

Kylo snorted. "I don't know what training Leia has. I hardly saw her as a child. You know that. The Force is strong in all of our family. She survived that blast, somehow." He turned back to the hangar bay, hands clasping tightly behind his back. His side was stabbing him with pain. "I don't know how she survived. I just know she did and the rest of her bridge crew did not."

"You might try telling her you didn't do it. I don't know that it would make much difference, but it wouldn't hurt. I still think the injury is probably due to you, not her." Kylo shot him a sullen glare. Luke went on, "Killing your father had to leave a mark on your soul. Speaking of which, how's the one Rey gave you?" Kylo kept facing forward, not giving Luke a good angle. "Droids seem to be making a lot of progress on that one." Luke leaned over to take a better look at it. Kylo wasn't so childish as to turn his face so Luke couldn't see it. But Luke saw what he needed to see. "She's forgiven you," he said in surprise.

"She has not," Kylo snapped defensively.

"Yes, she has."

"How would you know?" It was what he wanted to hear and believe, but he had no reason to think it was true.

"That scar is the writing on your face, you big dummy!"

Kylo sighed. He took out his lightsaber, ignited it, then turned it off and holstered it again. Attacking Luke's ghost, damaging the ship, throwing a tantrum over Luke knowing too much about him and Rey - none of it was going to help. "I did not ask her for forgiveness," he said testily, resenting that he was sharing anything at all of his conversations with Rey with this prying Jedi, dead or not. "I did not apologize. She did not offer forgiveness or ask for an apology."

"But you spoke with her," Luke said wonderingly. A smile curled his lips. "Good for you."

Kylo raised his brows at Luke. "You approve?"

"Of you with her? No. Never. You should probably never reproduce. But of you talking to people? Sure. Maybe she'll be a good influence on you. She thinks the world of you, you know?"

Kylo blinked rapidly and colored. He turned away to hide the blush.

"Oh boy," Luke said quietly, shaking his head. "It's too late, isn't it?"

"According to my father," Kylo said stiffly, "you never kissed a woman other than your sister."

Luke was offended. "Han told you that?"

"He had opinions about the nature of my education under your curriculum." Snidely, he added, "Some of the things your friend said about you were both nasty and low."

Luke snorted. "And you believed him?"

Kylo tilted his head. "Is it true?"

"Hey, that's your mother you're talking about. Show some respect. Anyway, it's none of your business, but I was married to the Force. It's a Jedi thing. One of those lessons you fell asleep during."

"No, I was paying close attention. It was a good reason to reject the Jedi way."

Luke equivocated on that, then nodded. "I suppose so. But if you change your mind, I can hook you up with remote planets where people won't find you." Kylo frowned. Luke changed the subject, "Back to the bowcaster thing … are you just keeping it all bottled up and compartmentalized hoping it will go away on its own?" Luke's face took on a sympathetic cast. "You're either hurting from killing your father, or you're hurting because Leia's not letting you move on. Either way, you're going to hurt until you deal with it."

"Snoke said … I had cut myself to the bone."

"Maybe true, but I wouldn't trust anything he told you. Search your feelings. You'll see the truth."

The corners of Kylo's mouth turned down. "And if it's true? Either way - what if I killed him to accomplish nothing?"

"Then you have to learn to live with it."


	7. Present Tense

Kylo felt his awareness shift as the Force bond was activated. He pressed the cancel button on the elevator, then redirected it to the closest junction to his quarters.

"Hello?"

"Rey." His face pulled in an unfamiliar smile at seeing her. A moment later, the lift doors opened. When he had redirected to his quarters, he'd neglected to set the route to private. He fixed his face immediately as several repair technicians crowded in.

"So I was talking to other people here, and the 'destroy the shipyards' plan actually has some support. I mean, not everyone is on board with it and they have some concerns about leaving the First Order as the only armed force … It's a long way from perfect, but I was surprised I didn't just get a 'that's crazy!' from everyone."

"Hm." Kylo kept himself face forward, watching the countdown on the unit to his destination. The technicians stayed respectfully silent, which limited what he could get away with. Rey could see his impassive face, staring over her shoulder and into the distance. He didn't know if he could keep his expression fixed if he looked directly at her.

Rey gave a long pause. "Can you hear me?"

Kylo gave a single slow nod, then made brief, direct, unblinking eye contact with Rey before looking away.

"There's someone there, isn't there? This is a bad time? This is a bad time." She cut the link. The elevator doors swung open a second later. Kylo sighed and exited. If only she'd stayed with him a little longer!

But in a few minutes, he had privacy even if the doors on his room still wouldn't shut all the way. He sat on his bed and focused on Rey. She answered immediately. "I thought that was a bad time?"

"I was not alone. But I am now. I heard what you had to say. You have … related our discussion to others?" He had an uneasy, exposed feeling about that.

"No, not really. I told them it was my plan. I just wanted to know what they thought of it as 'a' plan, a sort of 'would this solve all the problems' sort of plan. Turns out the military-industrial complex is the cause of a lot of problems. Like you said, there's this arms race going on that doesn't benefit the people using the weapons or having them used on them."

"Ah," he said. "I am relieved. I have tried to keep our discussions private. They're personal."

"Oh." She sat down. "This isn't … personal, Ben. This is the fate of the galaxy – the Resistance, the First Order, and all the people on all the planets they effect."

He took a moment to absorb the correction. "I see. That is true."

"I've found people here I can talk to, about the things that matter to me. Do you have anyone other than me who you speak with?"

He was silent.

"Luke?"

"A ghost. Yes. That's all." In the few days since Crait, she'd found friends, ones she trusted. He was doing better at not destroying his environment when upset. It was a stark contrast that left him feeling like a failure. Even dead Jedi were worried about him.

"You need to talk with the other people in the First Order," she told him. "We can't do this alone, you and I. It's going to take more than that."

"Luke told me the same thing – the ghost version of him." He swallowed. "It's … difficult for me to trust people. My parents said they loved me and  _left_. Both of my masters were a danger to me. I have to be very careful who I speak to and about what in the First Order. They do not fully accept me as their leader. The situation is very … delicate."

"Okay," Rey said simply. "I didn't know. At least, not all of that. Maybe I'm asking too much. You're loyal to the First Order. You've … killed your father. You agreed you were a monster. Do I trust you too much?"

Every sentence was a stinging slap. It was tempting to think she'd said all of that because he'd explained himself, been open to her. But those same things he'd explained were also straight-forward reasons why she shouldn't trust him. Not if he were looking at it from her side instead of his own. "Rey, we're meant to be together."

"No, we're not," Rey said firmly, surprising him with her certainty. It hit him like another blow. " _Are_  we going to be together? It's not the Force that decides. It's you. What we do in the present makes the future."

"We saw the future," he said quietly, tightening down on his emotions – anger at why she would doubt him, fear that she had good reasons to, desperation that he had to do something. "We know."

She ran an anxious hand through her hair. "I feel you shutting down. Please don't. I understand what you said – trusting people can be hard. You among them, Ben. Me too. I don't know how to solve this. Just tell me I can trust you and I will."

"Absolutely." There was no hesitation on his side. His resolve was as complete as it had been in Snoke's chambers.

"Okay." A fragile, hopeful smile creased Rey's face. "Okay," she said again. "We'll find a way."


	8. Ren's Rights Activism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With acknowledgment to the Emo Kylo Ren Twitter account for the chapter title.

"That looks painful, alright." Luke's shimmering form leaned forward, looking at Kylo's side. He'd stripped to the waist, taking off the compressive wrap he'd been using to mitigate the pain from the bowcaster wound. For a full half of his abdomen, the skin was red and shot through with black veins, radiating out from the point of impact.

"Sometimes it feels fevered," Kylo said. "Sometimes it throbs. Other times I hardly notice it at all, even during exertion."

"You've been working, fighting, and getting along fine like this for days. Is it as bad as it looks?" Luke moved to the side, seeing what amounted to an exit wound on the back. "Looks like it should have blown your kidney right out of your body, along with a bunch of other things you probably need." There was no blood of course – the skin was whole due to the work of the droids and bacta applications – but the shock wave of the weapon had clearly ripped a hole through Kylo's midsection, however partially it had been put back together. "It's amazing you're even alive."

"One of the Sith's most basic levels of training involves controlling one's body, especially the management of pain and function. Your Jedi training touched on the same, but the Sith delve into it more deeply."

"You're telling me you're still alive because of the dark side?"

"The dark side wouldn't seduce anyone if it wasn't useful. Besides, the only Force users who have tried to kill me were Jedi." Kylo said it plainly, as a statement of fact.

Luke frowned. "Right. Well, let's see what the light can do for you." He gestured at Kylo's side. "Can I touch that?"

Kylo raised his arm again as he had earlier, exposing the area. Luke touched, as far as Kylo could tell. The contact felt faint, but oddly soothing. It was the feeling he had when the Force was moving through him, but very localized. The pain fell away as Luke placed his hand over the circular pucker of scar tissue that made up the entry wound. He spoke quietly, "Chewbacca told me about what happened on Starkiller Base. Rey did, too, but it was Chewie's version that meant more. He'd known Han longer than any of us. Longer than Leia, and probably better than she did, too."

"He liked the Wookiee more than he loved his son," Kylo said in an interjection of resentment.

Luke looked up, meeting his eyes, while keeping his hand cupped against Kylo's side. "You had no right to him," he said firmly, stressing every word.

"I had a right to a father!" Emotion came surging back to the surface, and with it, pain so bad it took his breath away. Luke tried instinctively to brace him with a free hand on Kylo's shoulder, but it passed through his flesh, leaving a tingling trail in its wake. Kylo appreciated the gesture, the knee-jerk desire to help him.

"Did you? Have a right to a father?" Luke asked after Kylo got his breath back and the pain had receded. "I didn't. Your grandfather didn't. Han didn't. Did you ever talk to Han about his side of the family?"

"He … No. He wouldn't speak of them."

"Exactly."

Kylo focused on breathing as Luke moved his hand around his side to the area of the exit wound. "You talked about Uncle Owen. You had someone who was there when you were growing up, like a father."

"Yeah. Not all of us are that lucky. You weren't. Rey wasn't. Being fatherless isn't special, Kylo. Sometimes people have a family. Sometimes they have to find one."

"Sometimes they hide on an island to avoid everyone they're related to," Kylo grumbled.

"Exactly." Luke pulled his hand back, looking over the lingering wound. The redness had dulled and the black veins had faded to grey. "How does that feel?"

"Better. It hurts inside, but not as much."

Luke nodded. "The light has uses, too." He moved back some. "As far as Han goes, he wasn't there. I know that. It wasn't his way. He wasn't the father you wanted. Tough. If you want a family, you're going to have to do things to make one – talk to people, trust them, work together. Be there for them."

"I'm going to be there for Rey," Kylo blurted out, chin raised in challenge.

Luke frowned at him, then rolled his eyes with a long-suffering scowl. "I think you're going to find that depends on her."

"No," Kylo said, standing. "It depends on me."


	9. The Name of God

"Mother?" The word reverberated through the Force. Ben knew her. He knew the feel of her, the shape of her presence, the sound of her breath, the smell of her skin. He had known her before he was born. He knew the bond through the Force that he shared with Rey. He tried to reach out in the same way towards Leia. Whether she was closed off to him or not, he would at least try.

It was dark, but the darkness was not empty. He could feel currents and sense movement. Something was out there. "Mother?" She was no being of darkness, but perhaps, he wondered, her only feelings toward him were dark. Maybe that was what he was sensing, despite how unfamiliar it felt. He strained against it, struggling to bring order from the chaos of the void. "Mother!"

"Ben?" It was Rey's voice. She was lying in bed on her side. Even though it was dim, he could see her glowing in the darkness. She looked sleepy.

"I did not mean to wake you. Or to contact you. I apologize." He blinked at himself, surprised by the apology, even if it was for something so minor. When he'd taken up the name of Kylo Ren, one of the things he'd sworn to himself was he would never ask forgiveness. Yet he just had, and so easily, thoughtlessly, like there was no other way to express what he'd needed to say.

"You were trying to contact Leia?" She sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Yes." He felt embarrassed by his failure. "It wasn't working."

"I can make it work."

"You can?" Perhaps Luke had taught her about Force bonds after discovering their pairing.

"Sure. I'll go get her." Rey stood and began walking.

"What?" He had not expected something so mundane, but it made sense that Rey would be near Leia. The movement felt disorienting, but he found himself along for the ride unless he broke the connection, which he did not do. Minutes passed as Rey navigated the world on her end of the link.

Kylo … Ben … centered himself. Apprehension swelled inside of him as the reality of speaking to his mother loomed closer. Sorrow and grief welled up inside him. His side gave a sympathetic throb, the first serious pain it had caused him since Luke had salved it with the Force. Rey held two brief, distant conversations. He couldn't catch Rey's words and nothing at all of whoever she was speaking with. She was getting better at partitioning their link, he noted. He felt pride in that and made a note to himself that he should learn from her example and work on the same.

Then there was another voice. It was hers – his mother's. He could only hear the tone, but he would have recognized it anywhere, in his sleep, even. It was the first voice he'd heard through the link other than Rey's. Then a moment later, he realized that was wrong, too. He'd heard Luke's shout when he and Rey had touched on Ahch-To. Perhaps it was only Force-sensitives that could be heard through the bond.

"She's here," Rey said. Rey was sitting now. Across from her, hazy in the Force vision, his mother slowly took shape. Rey was holding her hands. Judging from garments, Leia, like Rey, had been woken.

"I-" Ben suddenly found himself at a loss for words. Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes, sliding down to his temples. He sat up in the bed, putting a hand over his side and hunching forward. He turned so his legs hung over the edge. He couldn't think. The pain swelled to take up his entire consciousness. His Sith training seemed so far away. Whatever Luke had done was stripped from him like a bad bandage. He felt the same stark terror he'd felt waking up in that hut to Luke's glowing, green lightsaber, but this time without the edge of anger. He remembered looking into his father's eyes, begging for help while knowing what he was about to do. It was unforgiveable. He'd known that in doing it. What could he possibly say? He raised his eyes, locking them with Rey's. She was right. He was a monster. He was lost. He broke the connection.


	10. Grand Marshalling

"You know what's remarkable about you, General Hux?" The orange-haired man stiffened, obviously expecting an insult to follow. Kylo didn't have one, even if Hux's angry tirade called for it. "Your courage."

Hux blinked several times in surprise. His lips started to move, but then stilled. He had not been asked for comment, so he gave none. He was probably rethinking the wisdom of so loudly and pointedly denigrating Kylo's opinion on the latest communication from the Resistance.

"You continue to confront me, confound me, resist me, and offend me, directly to my face." Kylo rose and prowled forward in that unsteady, almost lurching manner that most upset people when he was dealing with them. Hux subtly leaned away from him. "You might think I'm about to do something about that," Kylo said, glaring at him, "but I'm not." He turned and paced away in a more normal stride. "We're going to discuss a few ground rules instead. Are you listening?"

"Yes, Supreme Leader."

Kylo glanced back. It sounded both authentic and attentive. It looked to be as well. He took the moment to reach out with the Force. Hux was no more a weak-minded, rabid cur than Kylo was an immature child in a mask, but he could still get a sense of the man's mind. The compliment, the threat, and the offer, had combined to create the first sense of receptivity he'd felt from the man.

Kylo said softly, "You will not insult me, ever again." Hux gave a tiny nod as it sank in that some of the things he'd just said would have been killing offenses to Snoke. Kylo did not yet have the man's respect. It was something he needed badly. In a more normal tone, Kylo said, "You may question me in private. If it is urgent and privacy is not possible, you may question me publicly but do so in a respectful manner. You will not contradict me. You will not rescind my orders. You will not oppose me. You will act to carry out my will and best interests. If these conflict, you will do as I have told you and not what you imagine I want. Is this all clear?"

"Yes, Supreme Leader." He was staring straight forward. His attention had obviously wandered at some point in Kylo's recitation.

"Do I bore you?'

"No, Supreme Leader." But there had been a half-breath of hesitation.

"That should have been a simple answer, without a pause to think of what to say. Tell me, honestly, what you wanted to say before your training provided you with a rote response."

He had Hux's wary attention again because most people would not have noticed the pause. Then there was obviously the question of how to answer. Carefully, Hux said, "Supreme Leader, with all respect, I know how to serve and follow orders. I understand loyalty … and you have mine." He swallowed as though the last words were difficult to say.

"That sounds honest."

"I would never lie to you."

He'd left off 'Supreme Leader'. Kylo was beginning to find the title tedious anyway, so he didn't address it. He thought about how he'd killed Snoke, tricking him with the truth and what the Sith had lusted to see. "There are ways to speak deceitfully, to conceal your motives, without ever lying. We both served Snoke. I'm sure you know what I mean." Hux gave him another wary look, then dropped his eyes to the floor briefly before going back to the regulation, eyes-forward pose.

Kylo said, "I don't want that to be the way we speak to one another." He took his usual seat at his workstation. He didn't know how Snoke managed to run things out of the Spartan throne room. Kylo had found he needed screens, communication channels, and desk space, along with assistants. "Sit."

Kylo waited until Hux uncomfortably lowered himself into the chair usually occupied by Kylo's primary aide. Then he continued, "Your father was an officer of the Empire. You are an officer of the First Order. You know loyalty … better than I do. I understand your loyalties are to the First Order and the principles behind it rather than to myself."

"You are the supreme leader!" Hux began to babble, "I would never-"

Kylo's raised hand cut him off through no use of the Force. Hux had merely stopped speaking the instant it went up. Softly, Kylo said, "Your defensiveness betrays you." He looked at Hux for nearly a minute, watching the man, waiting for him to break. He did not, nor did he squirm, although he did sweat. That much, Hux could not control. In a normal tone, Kylo said, "Loyalty to the First Order is admirable. It is the source of your willingness to confront me and I find that useful. Your passion and your identity are all bound up in avenging the loss of the Empire of old and helping create a new empire, a fit successor to the glory that came before."

"I have said that, yes," Hux replied. Kylo had that sense of Hux's receptivity again. This sort of monitoring was something he'd learned at Snoke's side, observing how he spoke with people and turned them to him. It was no more than a Force-enabled reading of tells.

Kylo nodded. "Yes. In your public speeches. I was listening. You advanced to your current position due largely to your devotion to the cause. You wear your heart on your sleeve, so to speak. There's no decent reason why Snoke didn't give you the title of the Grand Marshall. That can be rectified."

"What I have I done to deserve such flattery?"

Kylo smirked at Hux's nervousness. "It serves my purposes more than insults. And it is true. You have strengths I wish to call upon. In my meditations," Kylo said, slowing his words as he chose them with even more care than normal, "the Force has told me that I can only truly rule myself and remain … human." He had Hux's full attention again, like a flashlight trained on him in the darkness. "The only way I can be the Emperor as you knew him, or even Snoke, would be to give myself over to the dark side entirely, to let it consume me, twist my body and my mind, and become the monster on the outside that you already imagine me to be on the inside."

Hux's eyes widened. He held his breath, glanced down, then back up at Kylo. "Why do you tell me these secrets? That's why they looked as they did?"

It was a child's curiosity, innocent and charming in a way. Kylo made a small smirk. "I tell you, because I want you to understand why I do not wish to become the supreme leader that you expect me to be. I tell you, because I need to call on your ability as a leader of men, on your determination to see the empire reborn, and your unceasing willingness to do whatever is needed, at whatever personal cost. I will not be another Snoke. I will not be … Darth Vader. Or Emperor Palpatine." Hux was staring at him, boggled. Kylo Ren's obsession with his grandfather was well-known. For him to announce he was not following his ancestor's path was a serious change of course.

"I will not embrace the dark side so whole-heartedly. But despite that," Kylo said, "I want the empire to return. Or something like it. Perhaps we should consider reinstituting the Senate since there is no emperor to consolidate power." Hux straightened and blinked. Kylo cut him off, "I see you already objecting. That's what I need from you. You will tell me to my face when you think I'm wrong, no matter what. But right now is too soon." Kylo gave him enough of a glare that Hux changed his mind about making an outburst, but he genuinely seemed to be thinking.

Kylo said, "These are ideas. I will have others. I welcome yours, after you have had an opportunity to think on them. I am not set on the details of our course, but we are in agreement on the ultimate destination. Tomorrow, I want to hear your ideas and your objections to mine. Together, and perhaps with others – something we will also discuss – we can decide how to turn what's left of our military force into the peaceful, glorious empire we both want to see."

Hux's voice was hesitant and obviously amazed. "I … see. Supreme Leader." This time, the title was more respectful than Kylo had ever heard it be. "I am … honored … to be in your counsel." He looked a little confused by the development, having effectively been promoted from a military general to a cabinet member and all for having the arrogance to disagree when it was called for. Most of the time, that behavior got people killed around Force users.

"Good," Kylo said, rising. "I'm not going to do this alone." He gestured to the door. "I still think the Resistance's diplomatic overture to us is real, but your point is excellent – our forces are in no condition to risk a trap, and we have little incentive to parley. Give them silence for now. We can respond better tomorrow, after you and I have worked out our strategy. You are dismissed."


	11. That's No Moon

"Rey." He saw her. She smiled. His stomach lurched and he sighed happily. "I had a list of things to talk about, but they're difficult to remember now that I see you."

She blushed. They were both lying in their separate beds, which he supposed gave him some information about where she might be given sleep cycles, the fall of night, and the colorful, probably regionally-specific, design on her blanket, but he didn't care about any of that. She was where she could talk to him and that was what counted. "Do you remember any of it?" she asked him.

He smiled dreamily. He felt comfortable. Luke was right – the scar on his face, neck, and collarbone no longer pained him. His side still did, but not at the moment. The blanket covered him from the bandage and down, but the top of him was bare. He liked the way it drew her eyes to him. "I … I think I wanted you to tell my mother not to worry about the First Order not responding to her message. It's more time-consuming than I expected to get everyone unified on the subject of how to deal with the Resistance."

"You said it was delicate. What would happen if you just told them to do something?"

"That depends on what I'm telling them to do. The only way to enforce complete, unquestioning loyalty is through the sort of mind-control the Sith excel at."

Rey's lips pursed. "You know how to do that?"

"Yes. And I might use it, one-on-one, if the situation calls for it. But hundreds of people, across dozens of ships, scattered between systems? It's difficult. Over time, it would devour me. What's left of me. I'd never see you again."

"Why not?"

"Because there would be nothing left of the light in me. It would extinguish every spark for me to control that many people."

Rey swallowed. "But there's another way?"

"Yes. The way Luke suggested. Talk to people. Work together. Seek out a balance. Understand that it means … things aren't always going to go the way I want."

Rey laughed lightly. "He told that to me, too – 'this isn't going to go the way you think'."

"Mm. I like hearing you laugh."

"What else was there that you wanted to say?"

"That I love you."

"Oh …" Rey turned crimson and covered her face. "Oh my." She breathed rapidly.

"I can feel your pulse racing."

"Oh my, stop that! Stop it!" She sounded mortified and alarmed and even frightened. "Stop reading me."

Kylo grinned and sprawled slightly on his bed, suddenly more relaxed and happy than perhaps he'd ever been. She liked him. He knew it. But he closed out that side of the Force bond as requested, going back to visual and auditory only. "I needed to say that to you. In case you didn't understand how I felt before, when I said I wanted you with me, beside me. If I don't get what I want, that's okay. It's how I feel. Jedi make a habit of not feeling. I don't know how far into your lessons Luke got with you."

"He didn't get  _that_  far." Rey looked at him from between her fingers. She was still breathing hard. "You don't just say that to someone!"

"Why not?"

"Uh … um … well … I don't know!" She put her hands down and then rubbed fiercely at her eyes. There had been tears in them. "No one's ever said anything like that to me!"

"You are beautiful to me."

"Did you call me up just to moon at me?"

He smiled again and stared at her like he was trying to memorize her face. "No," he said finally. "But that wouldn't be a bad reason to do it."

"Oh …" She sighed, covered her eyes with one hand and shook her head. "Ben …" She smiled though and that was all he needed. Finally she said, "Did you know your mother wants to see you?"

"And I want to see her. My feelings … are the same as they were before, conflicted, but I have to face them, and her. I know that's what the diplomatic approach was about. I haven't told my staff of our discussions. They had some … assertively different feelings on how the First Order should respond. When it is safe, I will let you know. It would probably be best if I came to her."

"Wouldn't that look like you were bowing to the Resistance?"

"If killing my father to please Snoke didn't clarify my loyalties, then nothing will," he said with some bitterness. "Besides, traveling into Resistance territory and leaving unscathed will prove my strength to the First Order more than anything could. Assuming I leave."

"What do you mean? You think we'd assassinate you? Treat you the way the First Order treats diplomats they don't like?"

"I meant staying near you. It would be nice. It will be difficult for me to leave."

She blushed and smiled again. "You have to leave. You're the supreme leader. We need you to make the First Order do what we want!"

"You joke," he said gently, reaching out towards her face, "but it is also true. I want to bring us together and I can only do that if I'm allowed to return here. One day, we will both turn. We will stand together again. And always." His hand hovered an inch from her skin. He didn't know if he could touch her all by himself, but he didn't have to. She put her hand over his. He felt the power grow between them, an electricity that hummed and sizzled pleasantly along his nerves when her hand closed on his. Contact! She moved his hand against her face. They both shut their eyes and let themselves feel.


	12. A New Hope

Kylo's cloak swayed as he moved down the shuttle's ramp. He stopped at the edge of the ship's shadow, surveying the landscape. A light wind blew past him, temperate and scented with grass and life. They were surrounded by grain fields, green and growing, unmarked except for the occasional farming droid. The place where the Resistance had chosen to meet amounted to a parking lot between open-air agricultural buildings more properly designed for harvesting than interstellar diplomacy.

But it was alive. He could feel the Force here, even if it was subdued. He took another step, into the light. The sun here was bright. He could feel the radiation hot on his pale skin and already heating him under his black garments. Left exposed too long here, he would burn. Covered, he would swelter. He had to assume the irony was intentional.

His entourage waited at the top of the ramp for his signal. They were tense, but ready to serve. Only a few felt fear. The rest were experienced enough to be patient and put their faith in Kylo's mastery of the Force. They were hand-picked, but none had been ordered to accompany him. This was voluntary. They knew what they were doing – one shuttle, minimal armaments, no back-up, delivering the supreme leader to his enemies. They might as well have had him in restraints. Certainly, he had a few enemies in the First Order who would rather he not return from this mission. They would be disappointed.

Approaching him was the Resistance, or at least part of its leadership. Leia walked at their front, with a dark-haired man he recognized from Jakku. Poe Dameron, he recalled, a pilot and a spy when Kylo had last encountered him. Obviously, he had improved in rank. It was hard to look at the woman walking with him, even after they stopped and stood some score of paces away. Kylo could feel his heart pounding in his chest again. His side ached. He wanted to clench his fists, but the only outward sign he gave was a tightening of his lips.

"General … Organa," he said, stumbling over whether to use her entire name, what her title even was at this point. He knew this had been addressed somewhere in the preparation for the meeting, but standing here with her in front of him, he couldn't think. He could only feel.

Leia's eyes were upon him. There was strength in them and also softness. Sadness. But she looked on him and at him, eyes taking in every detail of him. Her son. He felt a flash of the awkwardness of a teenager presenting himself for his mother's approval. He wondered what she thought of his outfit, his face, the scar, how he stood – a dozen inconsequential things that he let run through him and roll off without taking purchase. He was, after all, the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

Everyone else waited with remarkable patience. Leia might be the only trump card the Resistance had – a personal relationship to the leader of the enemy. No matter that she, and Rey, had assured them that Kylo Ren came in good faith, they could not shake the concern that he was here to remove the last tie to his past. At this distance, he could strike her down before anyone could act. It was Leia who had insisted they give him the chance.

"Ben," she said finally. Her voice was soft, older, but even so it was just as he remembered it.

Kylo swallowed. His eyes watered. He was certain that in none of the communication exchanges prior to this meeting, he'd ever given permission for anyone to address him by his old name. He remembered the stupid back-and-forth where the Resistance initially declined to call him 'Supreme Leader' but they had eventually agreed to the legitimacy of the title. 'Ben Solo' was never an option. Never. "Mother," he answered. In that one word, he acknowledged it all – that he was not here only as a foreign dignitary, but also as a son.

With an effort, he took a step, taking him off the ramp and onto the rich, dark soil of the planet. It put him on her level, even if he still towered taller by virtue of height. He didn't stand above her. One of his people stirred at the top of the ramp, a hand on a blaster and a whispered question to an associate: "Is she controlling him?"

Poe stiffened, his eyes on the mouth of the ship where the others stood. His hand, too, moved toward his weapon. Personal arms were allowed on both sides. Leia touched Poe's elbow before his fingers reached the grip. Kylo extended his hand out to the side, palm facing his people, fingers spread in the signal to 'stay there'. Poe put his hand to his side. In his mind's eye, Kylo could sense his people, behind him, doing the same.

"I am here to seek peace," Kylo said. He wiped at his eyes, not sure what to say, if anything, about his emotions.

Leia saved him from it. "So you said. Let's get the easy stuff out of the way then. I accept the First Order's unilateral and complete surrender." She smiled. "Now we can get to the harder things between you and me."

He scoffed slightly. He had, by no means, offered or insinuated a 'surrender' of any kind. But he went with it. "Excellent. I will have my staff draw up a list of the conditions you have just agreed to. Then we can have lunch."

"Conditions?" she quipped, obviously testing him out. "I'm not agreeing to any conditions."

"There are always conditions."

"You want to bargain about conditions, but you're not arguing about the surrender itself?" People on both sides were moving uneasily, surprised and thrown by the banter. The Resistance, for the most part, had expected Kylo Ren to threaten them and promise destruction. The First Order had expected the same, no matter what seductive promises had been made to arrange the meeting.

"We both want peace," Kylo reiterated. "That involves laying down one's weapons, whatever you want to call it." He jerked his head in the direction of the nearest building. Through the open doors, he could see the tables and chairs set up that they had agreed on. "Let's talk terms."

Kylo's conditions were many. The offer was complex. The Resistance, even if they'd wanted to agree, couldn't. At least, not yet. Things like amnesty, labor reform, and the integration of the Unknown Regions into the new government were not the sort of things Leia (or anyone) could make happen with the wave of a hand. But it got them talking and after the initial tensions were dispelled, listening to each other.

Kylo's people had been briefed, but they had expected him to pitch it as the requirements for the Resistance to be allowed to join the government the First Order was putting together. It was their conditions and the Resistance had to comply or be destroyed. Kylo put it differently – the First Order would surrender and largely disband, with the intention of being re-organized into the policing arm of the new government. They would have no political power. Nor would he. There would be no emperor. It would be vested in the new government they were discussing.

As the day drew to a close, tempers were getting short. While going over the details, one of the Resistance people complained to one of Kylo's staff, "I don't care what he said. One-third of the judiciary is ridiculous! You're not going to force that down our throats! You just want to rig everything!"

"We have been more than generous," the First Order attaché said stiffly. "You insult us. The truth is you must comply or die! Those are the only options." It was a step too far and the attaché knew it immediately. Her head whipped towards Kylo Ren.

He didn't want to have to defend the Resistance's position, but he knew he had to. "'Comply or die' is true only for the First Order, of which you are a part," he snarled. "Check your compliance. You have only one other option."

"Oh," Leia said softly. "Death threats, already?" She looked between the three involved, then focused on Kylo. "Supreme leader." It was still so strange to hear her use that title, even though she'd agreed to it in the pre-meeting talks and had called him 'Ben' only that one time. Kylo didn't know what to do with how validating it was for her to acknowledge his position. "I appreciate your understanding of us. Sometimes we resist out of habit. It's part of who we are in the Resistance. Sometimes, I think we forget that you have a military structure that wiped out an entire star system a few weeks ago, that you have the only intact space fleet of any significant size, that you have planetary systems united behind you for logistical support, and that you, personally, have the power through the Force to move that entire organization as a single, cohesive hammer against any nail that displeases you."

She looked around the table slowly, because maybe she hadn't made enough of a point before this meeting that the Resistance was in a very, very bad position overall. "I … have not lost awareness of that. You're being very generous," she turned to the attaché, then to Kylo. "Some of the things you're proposing are ridiculous, but you're still being very generous. You said there are always conditions. Well, there are always options. Let's break for dinner and come back at this tomorrow after everyone has had a chance to cool off."

"You are wise," Kylo said softly and rose. "I will return." He left as the others stood and began preparations for the meal. His staff gathered up sheets and data pads. Some of the Resistance officers helped rearrange tables. He took advantage of his rank by leaving for a walk. It was evening now and the sun was less jarring as it approached the horizon. It was cooler. The breeze had picked up a little. He stopped at the edge of the field and fussed with his layers of clothing, trying to find a way to be comfortable.

He heard the footsteps approaching across the packed soil before he felt his mother in the Force. Her presence was, he decided, deliberately subdued. Or perhaps she was still holding herself away from him. It was not his place to comment on it.

"Would you mind company?" she asked.

He looked past her to see two of the Resistance officers – Poe and the escaped Stormtrooper who had been introduced as Finn – standing at the entrance of the building watching them anxiously. "Your people do not approve." Kylo gestured with his chin.

"Oh, they're probably worried you'll talk me into adopting a 'comply or die' policy. It would certainly cut down on headcount."

He made a small smile and began to walk, slower than he'd intended because she didn't have his stride. "Thank you for defusing the situation – when I arrived, just earlier, and all the other times today. I have noticed."

"You're a hot-head, Ben. You always have been. It's why the dark side appeals to you so much. So much of your energy is tied up in your passion. A person who just listened to that clipped imperial accent you use most of the time wouldn't know it."

"You are an excellent politician and a good read of people."

"You're better at compliments than you used to be. Snoke teach you that?"

"Probably. He had a lot to say about how to manipulate people."

"Hm." She stopped. He did as well, glancing back to see that the two concerned Resistance officers were at the edge of the field, not quite following them. She faced him and looked up into his eyes. "I see you … teetering at the precipice of becoming another emperor. I don't think the rest of them do. Rey does."

He nodded, "I have a token for her, if you could take it to her later."

"I'm sure you do. And I will." She glanced away with a sly smile. He didn't know what Rey had told her or what Leia had sensed between them, but she knew there was something going on. Rey had been excluded from the meeting on the Resistance's insistence, not wanting to risk putting their one-and-only, not-even-completely-trained Jedi in the same area as Kylo Ren, Jedi Killer.

"All you have to do," Leia said, "is reach out and take what's in front of you – the First Order, the galaxy, whatever you want. Luke told me one day, when you were a boy, a teenager, that you were the most powerful Force-user he'd ever met. He met your grandfather. He met Darth Sidious. I see you trying to do the right thing, trying to find that bit of light inside you and make it stronger. Tell me what I need to do to help you. Because I want that, too. We  _all_  want that."

He sighed and bowed his head. "Tell me you still love me. After everything I've done."

"When Luke told me Darth Vader had turned to the light at the end, I believed him. I hardly knew him – Luke, or Vader, really. But I knew what Darth Vader had done – turned against his master, destroyed the Jedi Order, killed … so many innocents. He stood by while Alderaan was utterly, completely destroyed. But I believed someone I didn't know well telling me he'd turned."

She reached out and took one of Ben's hands, holding it in her own. "I  _feel_  you trying to step into the light, myself. I felt it on the  _Radda_. I felt it through the bond with Rey. I feel it now." There were unshed tears in her eyes. "I love you. Still. I gave up hope once. I won't again."


	13. UnFinnished Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this is an extra chapter I just popped into the middle of the story because 1) Kylo had some things to work out with Finn, and 2) the whole 'let's poison the First Order emissaries' plot from Poe wouldn't get out of my head. They're lucky he didn't arrange it so they got something that gave them issues on the other end of the digestive tract, but that would have gotten him in a lot more trouble with Leia than just exploiting First Order food customs. Also, I had not definitively had Kylo's bowcaster injury go away and felt I needed to cover that somewhere.
> 
> Adam Driver: 6'2". Carrie Fisher: 5'1". He's huge next to her.

He drew her to him for an embrace, gently in case she didn’t want to, in case touching his hand was as far as she’d go. But it wasn’t. She moved into him, her body against his. She turned her face to the side where it came up to his chest. It surprised him that she was so small. The last time he’d hugged his mother, she’d been bigger than he was – the same in height because he’d been a beanpole – but she’d felt strong and broad compared to his thinness. Now, surrounded by arms made muscular through long exertion and disciplined effort, she felt tiny and frail to him. He wanted to protect her so badly. He draped his cloak around her so it covered them both. It was a flimsy protection, but, he hoped, symbolic.

 

The two Resistance officers had come a short distance along their path. He could hear them arguing with one another about what was happening between Kylo and Leia and what they should do. The dark-skinned one was certain that a loving embrace was not within Kylo’s ability and that Leia was surely being harmed right in front of their eyes, using the pretense. The motion with the cloak, cutting off their view, was proof. The other, Poe, was trying to convince the first not to interrupt a private scene that clearly wasn’t any of their business.

 

“He’s being sweet. Leave them alone,” Poe said in a forced whisper, holding the other back by the sleeve of his jacket.

 

“That man does not have a sweet bone in his body,” Finn answered, just beside himself about the whole thing. “You have no idea what he’s capable of!”

 

Kylo glowered at both of them, hands resting on his mother’s back, holding the cloak in place. Hers were around his waist, over the injury that took up half his abdomen. It tingled. The injured flesh felt like it was glowing, but there was no way for him to see. It felt warm and unstable. Earlier, when he’d been adjusting his clothing at the edge of the cleared area, it was due precisely to this wound and the way the bandage was chafing after a day of sitting in the heat. Their negotiations had been in the shade, but it had still been miserably humid. All of that fell away, and far more. It was like the worst cramp fading into nothingness.

 

“Do you feel it?” he whispered to her. He knew she was sensitive to and powerful in the Force, but whether she knew what she was doing for him was another matter.

 

She nodded against his chest, though. He realized that didn’t answer his real question of what she knew and didn’t know when it came to the Force. She pulled back finally, her hand trailing along his side. There was no pain there. It felt as whole as any other part of him.

 

Leia looked up at him and said, “We should get back. We’re the big-wigs. They won’t eat without us there. You want to see a serious breakdown in diplomacy? Don’t feed people.”

 

He nodded and moved back into a more formal distance between them. Finn and Poe stood together halfway along their path back to the open area, trying not to look as out of place as they did. Pitching his voice so he was certain it wouldn’t carry further than the two of them, Kylo said to Leia, “The one in the brown jacket – he is the former stormtrooper, is he not?”

 

She heard him. To his surprise, she used the same minor Force-trick to respond. “Yes, that’s what I’ve been told. Why? Do you want him back? I kind of like him.”

 

“Of course, I do. But if that’s not possible, I would like to speak with him about his experiences so I can understand whatever caused him to leave us.” They were close enough now that it would be odd for the pair not to hear Kylo and Leia’s discussion. Kylo let his voice rise to a normal hushed tone. “He’s an embarrassment to the First Order. As a traitor, there is a considerable bounty out on FN-2187.”

 

Obviously, they were heard, because Finn stiffened. “Oh really?” Leia said. “I don’t think we have anyone by that name here. Finn, do you know anyone by that name?”

 

“No, ma’am. I do not.” He was bristling as they walked past. The other one, Poe, was giving Kylo dead eyes. Kylo remembered the feel of his spirit, the strength of his mind. Poe had an affinity for the Force. It was remarkable how many within the Resistance did and how many within the First Order did not. It was interesting, but this was not the time to consider it. It explained why Poe had been more certain than Finn that nothing untoward was happening between Kylo and Leia.

 

“Perhaps I was mistaken,” Kylo said. “But if I made the mistake, then I’m sure bounty hunters might make the same one. That would be inconvenient for you. Not so much for me.”

 

“What do you want?” Finn said through clenched teeth, joining them in their walk. He was on Kylo’s left. Leia was on Kylo’s right. Poe brought up the rear, walking well behind Kylo – a good range for a blaster shot, too far for him to be easily hit with a lightsaber. He was neatly surrounded by them. Kylo approved.

 

Leia cut off Finn’s building rage. “He wants to give you an exit interview. Seems you skipped that part of the process when you left them.”

 

“An exit interview?” Finn screwed up his face in confusion. “Why? And why would I?”

 

“I will have the bounty on you dropped if you give me an hour of your time and answer my questions honestly.”

 

Finn’s mouth snapped shut. He stared at Kylo, realizing the leverage. All Kylo had to do was tell bounty hunters of Finn’s last known location, and a uselessly general bounty would become very, very easy to collect on. In addition, he’d be taking out a valuable member of the Resistance. Two birds; one stone.

 

Leia added in a stern tone, “An hour that I will be present for the entire time.” To Kylo she said, “You are not to be alone with any of my people while you’re here.”

 

“He was alone with you,” Finn pointed out. It was clear he was still frightened for her.

 

“That’s different,” Leia maintained. Kylo looked between the two of them and said nothing. “I’m fine,” Leia insisted. “Do you want to talk to him? He’s playing dirty with that threat, but I don’t think he’s asking for much.”

 

“What kind of questions are they?”

 

Kylo answered, “Nothing about the Resistance, your time here, or that would implicate any within the First Order who assisted in your defection. You may decline to answer questions if they stray into that area. I want to know why one of our best troopers, consistently top-rated, betrayed us. Captain Phasma has been unable to give me a satisfactory answer.”

 

“She’s alive?”

 

They had returned to the building. The enticing scent of food wafted to them. Kylo said, “I offer you no information in exchange.” He considered that he should have used the past tense to refer to Phasma’s reports on FN-2187.

 

“Why not? I’ll answer your questions. You answer mine. It’s only fair.”

 

“I’m not the traitor with the bounty.”

 

“Oh, yeah. Okay, that’s fair.” Finn frowned, his chance at interrogating Kylo Ren vanishing into smoke.

 

“We have a deal?” Kylo asked as he took his seat in the middle of the long table, about a third of the way down.

 

“Yeah, deal,” Finn said off-handedly. He was seated opposite Kylo, with Poe to his left, and Leia several seats to his right, so that she was about a third of the way down the table on the Resistance side. For various reasons, the planners didn’t want to put Kylo Ren and his mother directly across from one another. Leia was facing the most senior members of Kylo’s staff, just as Kylo assumed Finn and Poe had been selected to face him due to rank.

 

He settled in and looked at the food. It was simple fair. Lunch had been fruit, something he’d mentally labeled as cheese even though he wasn’t sure what it was (he’d left details like the menu and seating charts to others), and black bread. Dinner featured a few slices of the same black bread, a small bowl of … beetles?, and a main course of thick stew that looked to be made from oatmeal and colorful vegetables. The drink was a cool, sweet, and mildly alcoholic cider.

 

Given the mixed nature of Resistance background, there were no formalities to be observed, although those on the First Order side of the table waited until Kylo picked up his spoon and started before they did anything. He took a bite of the stew. He immediately regretted it. His mouth was on fire. The vegetables were peppers, or had the same effect. It was extreme. The Resistance members were happily crunching on beetles, buttering their bread, and digging into their stew without batting an eye. Finn and Poe were staring at him with an intensity that told him they knew exactly what sort of agony was going on in his mouth.

 

Kylo moved the food around carefully with his tongue, considering it. He partitioned off the pain and ignored it as useless information. More critical was whether they were actually trying to poison him. He looked down at Leia, who was engaged in conversation, a piece of bread in one hand. She wasn’t involved. One of his staff, next to him, coughed as he tasted the stuff. Every other member of his staff was rapidly having the same response. They looked to Kylo, who went ahead and swallowed. Nutritionally, as far as he could tell, it was acceptable. “It is fine,” he said quietly, taking up a second spoonful.

 

He savored the new mouthful, continuing to try to decide why the Resistance would serve them something so awful. Clearly, every First Order bowl was the same. All of his people showed their distaste in different ways, most by eating the bread, a few by stirring the stew around or eating it in very small bites. None of them touched the blue-black beetles the Resistance people ate freely. Insects were never part of the First Order diet. It was food for primitives or those in desperate straits. For the Resistance to put them on the table at all, when they had a former trooper among their number, meant they understood the insult. It was intentional.

 

He swallowed and took a third bite. The stuff was like acid. The fumes were getting in his nose. He decided to see it as yet another test. Sith training could keep his nose from running or his eyes from watering. There was no emotional component to this that bypassed his self-control. Although clearly, Finn and Poe were taking an inordinate amount of interest in his performance. He ate slowly and gave them nothing. He took up a fourth bite.

 

Finn, finally, had to break the silence. “Do you like spicy food? Is that it?”

 

“Not especially, no.”

 

“Then why are you still eating it?”

 

“You know First Order food is very bland. You served us this on purpose. I am being polite.” All of his staff within earshot picked up their spoons, interpreting his statement as a direction that they, too, must be polite. Poe gave a small, sadistic smirk. Kylo looked to either side, taking pity on his staff, who did not have the benefits of his training. “That is not necessary.” There was a moment as each of them decided how to take his comment. A few struggled on with the stew anyway. Most went back to the bread or simply put their spoons down.

 

Poe nudged Finn’s elbow. “He’s being a tough guy. Let ‘em.”

 

“That’s cruel,” Finn said. At that point, Kylo knew this hadn’t been Finn’s idea. Maybe Poe’s. Finn made eye contact and lifted his brows. He took up one of the glossy beetles and held it up between them. Kylo put his spoon down and looked from the bug to Finn. Finn popped it in his mouth, crunched, and then took a bite of stew.

 

Kylo picked up a beetle and examined it. It was exactly what it looked like – a dead bug. Not a replica. Luke had served him grubs a few times. It hadn’t been a punishment or a trial. They’d simply been part of the normal fare where they were. Ben Solo’s upbringing had included a wide range of foods all regarded as normal. Unlike the First Order, he had no personal aversion to the beetles, but he hadn’t wanted to eat something his people had been indoctrinated to look down on. They would have had to follow his lead and he didn’t want to make them do something they would find disgusting. They were watching him now. He mimicked Finn’s gesture and crunched.

 

By the second crunch, he felt it. The beetle had been fried or baked, maybe dehydrated, but the thing virtually melted in his mouth after a couple chomps. When it did, the fire from the stew vanished entirely. The heat, the pain, the fumes – all gone. He took a bite of stew. The beetles were a neutralizing agent. Without the heat, the stew had a light, lemony, savory taste. It was quite good. A few of the First Order staff were picking up beetles. One fastidiously disassembled their beetle, apparently not wishing to eat legs and head. Kylo took another mouthful of stew, noticing the heat was detectable this time but still much reduced. That fit with the pattern the Resistance was using – a bug, some stew, another bug, more stew.

 

He swallowed and said, “It makes the stew edible. We have food on the ship though if you do not wish to eat them.”

 

The man to his left, who had already eaten a beetle and was looking at a second one said, “It would be ‘polite’.” He didn’t seem grossed out, but some of the others obviously were.

 

Kylo shrugged. “Previously, I thought it was simply malice. But forcing my people to eat something they might find repulsive is offensive enough that we have no obligation to be polite about it.” He went back to eating, though. Aside from making a clear statement, to his staff, and to the Resistance who overheard it, Kylo didn’t make a scene. As he’d said, they had food on the ship and he was fairly sure Leia had had nothing to do with it. She had, in fact, expressed that she knew how much diplomacy was smoothed by full bellies.

 

Poe snorted and grinned at Kylo Ren.

 

Finn nudged him, “It’s not funny, man.”

 

“Maybe not to you,” Poe went back to eating. It had definitely been Poe’s idea. It reminded Kylo of a rumor he’d heard, something about an offensive communication from Leia about or from Hux’s mother, relayed by an x-wing pilot who later attacked their dreadnaught. As a stalling tactic, it had been excellent, exploiting Hux’s obviously well-known weakness for bombast. Hux would be personally indebted to him if he could somehow cause Poe harm for that. He spent the rest of the meal considering how to embarrass the pilot without doing anything that would impact the negotiations. It was a nice fantasy, but eventually he put it aside.

 

After the meal, the tables were cleared. All but one of his staff returned to the shuttle for the night, as the Resistance went to their ships similarly. One older male First Order attaché stayed at the end of the table, arguing in a friendly fashion with a woman on the Resistance side. About currency rates, of all things. Whatever they were drinking was much more inebriating than the mild beverage they’d had with dinner. Kylo wondered idly which had supplied it, not that he cared much. There was no First Order rule against consumption, only impairment.

 

On the Resistance side, Finn was back in his seat, Kylo still across from him. Leia had moved closer and was now two seats to Finn’s right. Poe was on the far side of her. Leia was enjoying a second helping of the dessert course, chopped fruit with honey and nut-paste. Poe had a data pad in front of him, but rarely looked at it. His eyes made regular circuits of the building, lingering on each of the six people in it. He was acting as Leia’s bodyguard, Kylo decided.

 

He turned to the former stormtrooper. “Finn,” he pronounced carefully.

 

“Um … yeah.”

 

“What do you know about the dark side of the Force?”

 

“Uh.” Finn glanced over at his two friends, neither of whom gave him a response. Back to Kylo, he shrugged. “Nothing.”

 

“Very well. Do you know anything of the history of the First Order aside from what you learned from them?”

 

“Nope. I thought you were going to ask about how I got away?”

 

“Not quite.” Kylo hesitated. He sent a long look down the table at the conversation between his man there and the Resistance woman. They were laughing and absorbed with one another. He looked back at Finn, leaning forward slightly. He spoke conspiratorially. “I have only been the supreme leader for a matter of days. My flagship is literally in pieces. Starkiller Base was destroyed last week. As far as the galaxy is concerned, Luke Skywalker himself stands against me.” He spoke even more softly. Finn had to lean forward to hear. “These are not my most important problems. And despite all that,” his voice returned to normal, “since I have become the supreme leader, your case has been a priority.”

 

“My case?” Finn leaned back and chuckled uneasily. “Why do I think that’s not a compliment?”

 

“It is. By the numbers, FN-2187 was an exemplary cadet. He was one of the finest troopers the First Order produced. The only flaw in his record was an over-abundance of loyalty to his fellow troopers. He had been ear-marked for officer training before he even had his first field assignment. He knew this. Yet he defected.” Kylo looked offended. “Our best left us. Betrayed us. Fought against us. Still fights against us. The First Order wouldn’t exist without stormtroopers.” He leaned forward again. “Do you really think I’m going to ignore a potential morale problem that runs so deep that someone as talented as FN-2187 turned on us?”

 

Finn seemed to understand now. “Oh, good. I thought you were going to try to make me go back or put me on trial for desertion.”

 

“Both are within my rights,” Kylo said. Finn’s head snapped around to Leia, who was putting a spoonful of fruit in her mouth. She gave him a blank look in return as though not sure why he was worried. Kylo said, “Enforcing them is another matter, though. What happened on Jakku that made you snap and start killing the very people you trained with?”

 

“Seeing the people I trained with get cut down in the field. Not even for any good reason. You ordered us to shoot down unarmed villagers.”

 

“Not so unarmed if your fellow soldiers were dying.”

 

“People have a right to defend themselves.” Finn raised his chin defiantly.

 

Kylo gave him an unimpressed look. “No, they do not. They either defend themselves or they do not defend themselves. On Jakku, they have no right to do so, either legal or moral, unlike the rights of the First Order over its members. I have recently been taken to task on the definition, as it turned out I had been using it inaccurately as well. An expectation is not the same as a right. I expected them to defend themselves and for my soldiers to kill them. As your commanding officer, I had a right to order you to do whatever I pleased. Is that why you defected? You expected something different?”

 

Finn frowned at the rest of what Kylo said, but answered the question. “Yes. I expected to have a commander who wasn’t evil. You’re a Sith. You torture people. You murdered your own father. You … killed a bunch of Jedi kids, tried to kill Luke Skywalker … stuff, man. You’ve done stuff.” He hesitated and added, “Haven’t you served people who you didn’t think were fit to be in charge?”

 

He had told Finn he would not share information in turn and this was dangerously personal. But Finn was the only one at the Resistance table who’d shown them the trick with the food. Kylo answered, “All my life.”

 

“And?”

 

“My uprising had little to do with their worth as a teacher and everything to do with self-preservation.” Kylo firmed steered the conversation back to Finn. “You were not in danger on Jakku, or at all, until you defected.”

 

“I was … they were going to reprogram me like a droid!”

 

“Probably.”

 

“Sentient beings are not things!” Finn raised his voice in frustration. “I don’t care how you want to twist the words, but you don’t kill the helpless, you don’t leave your own people behind, and you let people live their lives – be happy, work under the conditions they want to work, get paid a fair wage. I saw things on Pressy’s Tumble I will not forget! I don’t want to forget them! Jakku was that all over again. I’m not going to do that over and over because it someone like you tells me to. I’d rather turn my back on everything and be a rebel.” He finished with a snarl.

 

Kylo rubbed at the lightsaber scar. The anger and outrage coming off from Finn reminded him of how he’d vented at Luke. “It is this evil within the First Order that turned you away from them. Would you say this was a common concern among the stormtroopers?”

 

“No. Most of them don’t care.”

 

“Most, or all but you?”

 

“All but me, as far as I could tell. That’s why I left.”

 

“Isolation, then. How long did you experience this feeling of difference?”

 

“Years.”

 

“Yet you still performed well. A measure of isolation is intentional, just as your excess of loyalty to your peers was considered a fault.”

 

“Why is that?” Finn interrupted. “What’s wrong with supporting the people you trained with?”

 

Kylo sighed. “In a functioning unit, your loyalty is properly aligned to your superiors, to advance the goals of the organization as a whole. It is expected that this will minimize psychological disruption due to combat losses, which appears to be part of what malfunctioned in your case. It also makes it easier for troop formations to be directed through the dark side of the Force.”

 

“What?”

 

Kylo shrugged one shoulder. “That’s why I asked what you knew of the dark side and the First Order history. It was designed by Sith to be an extension of their powers, but an acceptance of outside control is critical. It sounds like the reason for your defection comes down to you being insightful enough to see the Sith principles at work. I could prevent defection of our best by removing the Sith. But remove the Sith, and the First Order falls to civil war. It gives me something to think about.” Kylo stood. “Thank you for your time.”

 

“Wait, what are you going to do? You’re the Sith! What do you mean, civil war?”

 

Kylo glanced down the table, where the First Order attaché had noticed him stand. The man had paused in his conversation and shifted attention to his supreme leader, making it impossible for Kylo to speak without being overheard. Kylo looked at him and lifted his nearer hand. “You’re drunk,” he said simply.

 

The man responded with, “Oh,” and promptly passed out. He slumped forward abruptly, his head stopped a few inches above the table, then lowered more gently. He began snoring immediately. The woman he’d been talking to looked at Kylo with big eyes.

 

Kylo turned back to Finn. “I mean that without me, all of those troopers you trained with will turn their blasters on one another as the top levels of the First Order struggle to fill the vacuum. Look at the successes the Resistance has managed to win with a half-trained girl and a few Force-sensitives who’ve never been trained at all.” Kylo gestured towards Leia and Poe. “How do you imagine a group as ‘evil’ as the First Order holds itself together if it’s not through the application of the Force?”

 

Finn looked at him blankly, as though he’d never considered what the Force had to do with military victories or cohesiveness. Leia said, “I’m starting to see that tightrope I mentioned earlier. You can’t turn right now even if you wanted to. You _have_ to use the dark side of the Force or else it all falls apart, for everyone.”

 

Kylo gave her a brief look. “If I were still the man he thinks I am,” he gestured at Finn, “then none of it would matter.” He went down the table to his attaché, hoisting the man unceremoniously to his shoulder like he weighed almost nothing.

 


	14. Only Half the Battle

Rey looked at the metal cylinder Leia had handed her on behalf of Ben. "Oh … thank you." She looked at it carefully, mystified by it. It definitely wasn't a lightsaber. "What is it?"

Leia took pity on the confused girl and indicated one end. "It's an old-style scroll tube. We scanned it, but I wouldn't let anyone read it. And oh wow did they ever want to." She shook her head at how difficult it had been to talk them out of reading the supreme leader's private correspondence. She waited while Rey unscrewed the end. As the scans had showed, there was only a single scroll within.

"Oh!" Rey exclaimed. "It's a letter. Hand-written, like the Jedi texts!"

Leia nodded as Rey unrolled it. "I'll leave you to it."

As she started to leave, Rey called out, "No, wait! I … uh, I can't read this."

"What?"

"I … what language is this?"

Leia came closer, giving the short letter a general glance. "Oh. That's calligraphy." A tight smile appeared on her face. Ben had made it fancy. He'd spent time on it. He'd embellished it. It was like a small work of art and just a few lines.

"Could C3-PO read it? Can you?"

Leia froze, thinking it over. "C3-PO … has no discretion. As much as I don't want to read my son's letters, I can't think of anyone else around here who would know Jedi calligraphy, even if they were discreet. I can read it." She looked at the back of the curled sheet. "It's not very long. And I have to admit, I'm dying with curiosity just like everyone else."

Rey handed it to her. "I think I know what he's going to say anyway." She covered her mouth, then her whole face. But she listened.

Leia took up the note and cleared her throat. "' _Rey, dearest to me_.' Oh my." She sighed and went on, "' _I commit in writing my devotion to you_ …" Leia stopped and grinned like a young woman. She looked at Rey, who had made not a peep, but her flushed skin was visible through the gaps between her fingers. Leia continued, " _'So that you have a physical token of my respect, admiration, and affection, to prove I am entirely compromised when it comes to you. I have thought on what you said about privacy. Please take counsel with any you trust and let me know if I may pledge myself to you in any way. With all my love and adoration, Ben Solo._ '"

Leia let the scroll roll up on the sappiest love letter she'd read with her own eyes. "The Skywalker men are so melodramatic, dear. Every single one of them."

Rey shook her head. "Oh my goodness. He said that through the bond, some of it, that he loved me." She rubbed at her face. "When I was on the  _Supremacy_ , after Snoke, he offered me … he wanted to marry me or something. Me by his side!"

Leia regarded the young woman. "Do you like him?"

"Yes!" Rey struggled with words, though. "I want to say that he's very dear to me, very special, and that I hope for the best for him like I would for anyone I liked … but it's more than that. Much more. He knows that. We both know it."

"Have you told him?"

"He knows!"

Leia smirked. "Sounds like he wants everyone else to know, too. If he hadn't put this scroll case directly in my hand, then I'd think he intended the note to get out anyway and call your bluff."

"I'm not bluffing! I'm so not bluffing! I mean it!"

"Rey, sometimes someone says 'I love you' because they want the other person to know. But other times, we say 'I love you' because we want to hear if the other person is willing to say it back, out loud, so we can hear it and be reassured. He's an insecure man under a lot of stress right now." She waved the letter at Rey. "This could destroy him politically, you know?" Rey blinked at her, having not considered that. Leia said, "And he knows it, too. Just like my life imploded after it came out I was Darth Vader's daughter."

"We'd tried to keep it a secret, but when it got out, the personal fallout was worse than the political! Ben found out Luke, Han, and myself had all been keeping it from him. All the pressure Luke had been putting on him about the pull of the dark side suddenly looked like Luke was taking it out on him because of who his grandfather was. Han and I being busy looked like we were ashamed of him. It all went bad, fast, and before any of us realized how bad, the academy was burned down, people were dead, and Luke left, taking all the blame on himself."

"But if it would ruin him, if the First Order would turn on him, then I can't tell anyone, right?"

"Tell him, and we can start planning. Part of his offer in our meeting was gutting the First Order and stepping down. If that happens, he'll be free to marry whoever will have him. If it doesn't, and he becomes the next emperor, then I wouldn't let anyone I cared about get close to him."

Very quietly Rey said, "I turned him down, to be his empress beside him. Now he's giving it all up for me."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. He's not giving up anything he needed to keep anyway."


	15. Doing the Other Half

"Rey?"

"Yes?"

The world fell away as she answered his call through the Force bond. Kylo's attention focused solely inward, on her. As he had found before, just seeing her made it difficult to think. He started talking before he lost sight entirely of the purpose for his call. "I would like to hold a second round of talks, but this time, not just with the Resistance. I think it would be best to have my mother, as a former senator, mediate between the First Order and the New Republic. But I don't want to extend the invitation if we're only going to be turned down. A rejection might light fires in the First Order that I will have trouble putting out. If they won't do it, it will be easier for me to know that and not issue the invitation in the first place."

"Oh. Um. Okay. Yeah. I'll tell her that." Rey looked at him so fixedly that Kylo wondered if she was okay. As the silence drew on, he regretted having not asked if it was a good time, or exchanged small talk first. He could feel the tension building between them. He wasn't even sure if she was breathing. It made him anxious, wondering if he'd given offense by treating her as his messenger. That had to be it! He was opening his mouth to ask forgiveness when she blurted out, "I love you!"

It felt like she'd jerked the rug out from under him and he hadn't hit the floor yet. His apology caught in his throat.

"I needed to tell you that," Rey babbled. "I needed to. Really. In case you didn't know. I mean, I know you do, but this way … Oh, this is just ridiculous!" She ended the call right then and there, so abruptly that Kylo staggered and fell in front of the hangar view port where he'd chosen to contact her. Down below, the leg servo on one of the walkers misfired for no obvious reason, dropping the walker to the floor in a similar manner. The machine collapsed onto a pallet of drums, puncturing them. Flammable fluid sprayed across the floor. Alarms sounded. Fire abatement systems deployed. Troopers and technicians scrambled.

Kylo Ren picked himself up off the floor. He drew in a deep breath, looking out at the chaos and knowing exactly where it had come from – himself. He centered himself. The fire stopped spreading. The fire control systems focused on personnel next. An overhead crane moved into position to assist the walker in regaining its feet. The Force bond opened again.

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but Kylo murmured, "Please wait. Someone's on fire." She blinked and fell silent until he was done making certain the technician on the far side of the pallet was being properly attended to. "There. It's okay. It's being taken care of."

"What happened?"

"I … was overwhelmed for a moment. You said you loved me?" He wanted to hear it again, even though he was certain of what she'd said.

"I love you." She said it slower this time, and easier.

He smiled. "I wish I was in my quarters, so you could see more of me. I wish I was with you so I could sweep you up in my arms. I wish a-"

She kissed him. On the lips. On her tip-toes. Hands on the side of his head, drawing him in. The whole hangar bay might have exploded and he wouldn't have known, but this time he was more careful with his response. He was gentle. He was tender. He was eager and caressing and cherishing her. It was everything he wanted and had worked for. He loved her. They loved one another.

* * *

Months later, Luke asked his sister, "How did Chewie take the news about Rey and Ben finally making it official between them?"

"He never said anything about it. Honor requires Chewie to kill Ben; but Chewie kept saying 'Han didn't want Ben dead'. He went back to Kashyyyk so he wouldn't have to choose. Even though he didn't mention Rey, it's been hard for her. She didn't have very many ties to start with, and supporting Ben has put a big strain on them. Not everyone's going to agree with something like this."

"I don't agree with it," Luke put in.

"Maybe you should go visit Chewbacca then."

"Maybe I will."

She smirked at him. "I can't tell if you're serious or not."

Luke sighed. "Well … neither can I. But Ben doesn't need me anymore. I swear, that kid learned more in a few days of Force-visits with me than I taught him in ten years. Of course, I learned a lot, too. I learned what it felt like to bite my own tongue, eat crow, swallow my pride, the taste of the foot I'd stuck in my mouth …" He shook his head. "Where did he learn to tear people apart like that?"

"Couldn't possibly be our side of the family. I'll blame the Solos," Leia said dryly. "But he did things to turn the First Order around that I didn't think was possible."

"He didn't use the Force for that," Luke said smugly. "At least, not for most of it. You know, I think he takes after his grandmother more than our father."

Leia sighed. "I hope he does. For everyone's sake. If they can get some kind of representational government up and running again, then we might have a chance. I never thought the First Order would be the ones pushing for it, though."

"We had a peace of a thousand years before," Luke said. "We can have it again."


End file.
